Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Single Black female, in search of...

Why am I single?

That's a question I've asked myself more times than I'd care to remember. My relationship status is something that has given me a sense of empowerment while making me feel lonely and insecure at the same time. I've learned to be completely self-sufficient and independent, but every time I like a guy and he doesn't offer me that courtship, I start to second guess myself.

What did I do wrong? Is it because I weigh more than 200 lbs? Is it my natural hair? Did I give it up too soon? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? 

I can honestly say that I have been single for 99.9% of my life. I was asked out my freshman year of high school, and it lasted for a week (he kissed another girl, and I wasn't playin that shit). Since then, I've lead myself into a downward spiral of men that have used me by giving me a false sense of entitlement in order to obtain whatever they wanted from me (I don't have to tell you what that mostly consisted of). Basically, I've sold myself short...instead letting these men see me for the bright, funny and ambitious person I am, I turned myself into nothing more but a vagina with money and a set of car keys. Notice the main focus of this post is I, because I had the power to stop this, but I was too naive to realize my own strength, until now.

I am no longer that person. I know what am I capable of and what I deserve. Until I get it, I'll continue to accept that dreaded "s" word, and work through my issues with the opposite. And I hope my fellow single women will do the same. You are as beautiful, smart and deserving as you think you are; don't ever let anyone tell you different.