Friday, February 14, 2014

6 Lessons Learned As "The Single Friend/Woman"

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

I'm a not a single friend, I'm THE Single Friend. I've been single for a very, very long time. When I was younger, I used to see being single as a weakness; I mean, every woman is continuously being courted, right? Wrong, very wrong. It took me a while to see the errors in my thinking, but eventually I got over myself and realized that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. But unfortunately, sometimes society and our environment puts pressure on us to believe that we all need a man for every waking moment of our lives, and that stigma can be hard to combat. As Chairman of the Forever Alone Club, here's a couple of gems that I've picked up through my journey as a single woman.

1. Stop Letting Everyone Diagnose You. Just because your college roommate that slept with the entire basketball team finally got a man, does not mean that she holds the key to solving your case of single. It's okay to take trusted opinions into consideration, but don't let others' opinions of you consume your life! No matter how much these people care and "only want the best for you", it's okay to decline an unwarranted opinion.

2. It's Okay to be Sad, but it Shouldn't Be Permanent. It's okay to hop in your feelings about being alone, whether you've been single 2 weeks or 2 years. I'm the type of person that wants what I want, when I want it, so of course it's only natural that when I'm not attached to someone that I get a little sad/annoyed. That's when I know that it's time to take a step back and do the things that make me feel good, such as writing, treating myself to a mani-pedi or watching one of my favorite documentaries, Paris Is Burning. It's not healthy to keep your emotions bottled up, so let it out! But if you feel like your lack of a significant other is standing in the way of your overall happiness, and it's affecting your day to day life, then open up to someone you can trust, including a licensed mental health professional if need be.

3. Don't Get Caught Up In Your Attached Friends' Lives. As the resident Single Friend, I have noticed that sometimes our friends that are married or in relationships can sometimes use us a crutch. They want us to hang out with them when their s.o. isn't available. They want to tell us about how said s.o. did something really stupid, or really sweet. They want to go over future wedding plans, baby names or home floorplans. Those things can be fairly normal, but sometimes it can be too much! Again, this is one of those moments where Me Time is in order; don't get so caught up in your girlfriends' lives that you forget to live your own. Don't allow yourself to be annoyed by your friends' and their bliss, and don't live vicariously through them. Your life is no less important than theirs!

4. Use Caution When Giving Relationship Advice. I wanted to say "refrain from giving relationship advice all-together", but I know that's not realistic. Just use your judgement wisely, and remember that at the end of the day, you DO have a life of your own to worry about.

5. Don't Be A Hater. If you can't be happy for someone, leave them alone. Plain and simple.

6. You Are Fine Just The Way You Are. I believe that everyone should tell themselves "I am enough.", at least once a day. You are fine. You are exactly where you're supposed to be at this exact moment in your life. Every flaw that you possess is just an opportunity to grow mentally and emotionally if you're willing to work for it. No one has ever gotten what they wanted out of life by being 100% perfect. Just keep being your dope ass self and eventually someone that compliments your existence will come along :-)


No comments: